Welcome to That Divorced Dad
"Navigating single parenthood one day at a time" 👨👧👦
Life after divorce isn't easy, especially when you're juggling single parenthood, co-parenting, a career, and trying to rebuild your life. But you're not alone in this journey.
This site is your go-to resource for practical advice, emotional support, and real-world solutions from someone who's been there, done that. Whether you're dealing with custody schedules, learning to cook for the first time, or just trying to figure out how to braid your daughter's hair, I've got you covered.
What You'll Find Here
Everything from parenting hacks to long-term strategies for raising great kids.
Navigating co-parenting, boundaries, and keeping your sanity when dealing with your former partner. They're no longer your partner, but they're your co-parent. Remember that when things get tough!
What you need to know about legal stuff, custody battles, and protecting your interests. Learn from my fails and maybe I can save you a couple bucks!
Because sometimes a dad just needs to know someone's got his back (and his next beer). I give all my information away for free, but if this helped you out and you want to buy me a cold one, who am I to say no?
Remember: You're doing better than you think, and tomorrow is always a chance to be an even better dad.
Being a Dad
Everything you need to know about single parenting - from survival tips to building a thriving family life.
Choose a Topic:
Survival Tips
Every Sunday, spend time prepping for the week: whether thats meal prep, lay out clothes for school days, check the calendar, and do a quick house reset. Your weekday self will thank you.
Buy 7 complete outfits per kid and rotate them. Wash everything together on Saturday. No more "I don't have anything to wear" meltdowns, and remember, your kids are the ones likely switching houses routinely -- not you! Make their life easier when you can.
Keep a bag in your car with extra clothes, snacks, phone chargers, wet wipes, band aids, and some cash. You'll use it more than you think. Just don't forget to replace what you take!
When kids come home, try to give them 5 minutes of undivided attention before asking about homework or chores. It sets the tone for everything else. Letting them know you're there for the is the most important part, and that means being present. I'm not talking having your phone out, but just ask them about their day, how things are going at the other house, and keep an open mind to LISTEN.
Keep the day after custody exchanges light. Kids need time to adjust, but so do you. Plan easy meals and low-key activities.
Parenting Hacks That Actually Work
YouTube is your friend for ponytails, braids, and buns. Practice on a mannequin head first if you wish, but that practice time with your daughter could make some of the great memories! Your daughter will appreciate the effort.
Make a visual checklist for younger kids: brush teeth, pajamas, story time, water cup, hugs. They can check off each step and feel accomplished. But, don't pressure them to check it off everyday. The reminder and the list is the important piece and it's not about checking it off -- it's about that muscle memory. If you had a routine before spltting up, try to keep as much of it the same as possible.
Have your kids set 10-minute cleanup timers, 5-minute "get ready" warnings, and use phone alarms for transitions. Kids respond better to timers than to nagging parents. This will pay dividends later as they develop habits to track their own time!
Cook once, eat three times. Make large batches on Sunday, freeze in kid-sized portions. Spaghetti, chili, and chicken are your friends. Most important, involve your kids in the meal prep and teach them what you're doing! Make it a family fun activity, show them how to work in the kitchen and teach them life skills at a young age. You never know when the first meal turns into them making your birthday cake! Ask me how I know!
Pick a spot in your house with all supplies: pencils, erasers, glue, scissors, paper. No more hunting for supplies during homework meltdowns.
Building Your New Normal
Create New Traditions
Start fresh: Pizza Friday, Saturday morning cartoons, or special bedtime stories. Kids need stability and something to look forward to at Dad's house.
Make it uniquely yours: Don't try to replicate what you had before. Build something new that reflects who you are as a single dad and how you want to enjoy something with your kids!
Don't Try to Be Both Parents
You're Dad. Be Dad: You don't need to be mom too. Kids need you to be the best version of yourself, not a poor imitation of someone else.
Embrace your strengths: Maybe you're the fun parent, the sports parent, or the "let's build something" parent. Own it. It's okay to be vulnerable and not know everything, all the time. If I've learned anything from being a parent it's that my own parents probably made things up most of the time too!
House Rules That Work
Keep it simple: 3-5 clear rules max. "Respect each other," "Clean up after yourself," "No screens during meals."
Consistent consequences: Follow through every time. Empty threats teach kids you don't mean what you say. I cannot scream this loud enough from the back so everyone can hear you. Discipline does not mean you're a bad parent. Life is rewarding, but it can equally have consequences.
Self-Care & Support
Self-Care Isn't Selfish
The airplane oxygen mask rule: You can't take care of them if you don't take care of yourself first.
Schedule it: Put your workout, therapy, or downtime on the calendar like any other appointment. It's not optional. You can't fit two weeks of workouts into the time when you're away from the kids. Show them the importance of taking care of yourself, or they'll learn the opposite.
Build Your Village
Other single parents: They get it in ways married friends don't. Find them at school events, sports, or online groups.
Reliable backup: You need people you can call at 2 AM when things get tough. Cultivate these relationships before you need them. And I cannot stress this enough -- DO NOT MAKE IT ONE OF YOUR KIDS.
Mental Health Maintenance
Therapy isn't failure: It's maintenance. Regular tune-ups keep you running smoothly and help you be a better dad. Find a good therapist while things are good for you, because when you finally need one, you don't want to play whack-a-mole. One session won't fix whatever your ailment of the day is.
Know your triggers: Identify what sets you off and have coping strategies ready. Your kids are watching how you handle stress and how you project it!
Money Matters
Budget for Reality
The 20% rule: Kids grow out of clothes fast, school projects pop up, and field trips cost money. Always budget more than you think you need.
Emergency fund: Even $500 can save you from credit card debt when the car breaks down during your custody week.
Teaching Kids About Money
Age-appropriate honesty: "We can't afford that right now" is better than "Money doesn't grow on trees." Explain budgets in simple terms. Give them a large allowance and then give them bills to pay, so that $200 allowance is really $20. You're teaching them they can't depend on spending every dollar they get, and your future self will thank you for it.
Earning and saving: Give kids chances to earn money for extras and save for things they want. It builds responsibility.
Smart Single Dad Spending
Buy once, cry once: Quality basics like good shoes, winter coats, and backpacks save money long-term.
Generic is fine: Store-brand cereal, pasta, and cleaning supplies work just as well and cost half as much. As much as I HATE typing this, because generic Lucky Charms just aren't the real thing, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
The Golden Rules of Single Dad Life
The Non-Negotiables
1. Your kids didn't choose this situation, but they're watching how you handle it.
2. Some days you'll feel like you're failing. You're not. You're learning.
3. It's okay to not have all the answers. Google, YouTube, and other parents are there to help.
4. Consistency matters more than perfection. Show up when you can.
5. You're not just surviving this transition - you're building something new and potentially better.
Remember This When It Gets Hard
Your kids need you: Not a perfect parent, not a replacement mom, just you being the best dad you can be.
It gets easier: The acute pain fades, routines become natural, and you'll find your rhythm. Like they said in Philly, "Trust the Process."
You're stronger than you think: You're handling one of life's biggest challenges while raising kids. That's heroic.
The Ex
Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Dealing with your ex is probably the hardest part of this whole thing.
Choose a Topic:
Setting Boundaries
Keep all communication focused on the kids. Scheduling, school events, medical issues, behavioral concerns. That's it. No personal stuff, no rehashing the past, no trying to be friends (yet). Seriously, you will both go back and forth between trying to be amicable and genuinely disliking the other person at times. KISS: Keep it simple, stupid.
Apps like OurFamilyWizard, Coparently, or even shared Google Calendars create a paper trail and keep emotions out of logistics. Plus, courts love documented communication. More on this later!
Got a text that made your blood boil? Wait 24 hours before responding. Write your angry response in notes, get it out, then save it as a draft. Come back to it when cooler heads prevail and write what you actually need to say.
Custody exchanges don't require long conversations. Keep interactions brief and cordial.
Co-Parenting Reality Check
You Can't Control Her
Focus on your house: You can't control what happens at mom's house. Focus on being consistent and stable at your place.
Don't badmouth mom: Even when she deserves it. Because she likely will. After 3 years, trust me, kids will figure out who's who eventually. Taking the high road protects your kids' mental health. You'll want to defend yourself to the kids, to counter everytime you hear "Well Mom said...". DON'T DO IT. In case you need to hear it twice, DO NOT DO IT!
Document Everything
Keep records: Save important texts, emails, and notes about conversations. Hope you never need them, but be prepared if you do. Date and timestamps are a beautiful thing. Write yourself emails with things that happened, how you remember them, and send them to yourself. That's a great paper trail should you ever need it!
Custody exchanges: Note when kids are dropped off/picked up, their condition, any concerns. A simple email is enough.
Parallel Parenting vs Co-Parenting
Co-parenting requires cooperation: Joint decisions, shared events, coordinated discipline. It's ideal but not always possible. Ask me how I know.
Parallel parenting is okay: You both parent separately but consistently. Minimal contact, clear boundaries, separate school conferences if needed. And that one's important because sometimes the school will only contact whomever is listed as the primary parent.
When She's Difficult
Not every disagreement needs to be World War III. Ask yourself: "Is this about the kids' wellbeing or my ego?" If it's your ego, let it go.
Be boring. Give minimal responses. Don't engage with drama or bait. "Okay," "I understand," and "I'll discuss that with my attorney" are your friends. Note, you don't even need an attorney to use the last one.
This is the hardest one. Document it. Don't retaliate. Be the stable parent. Consider family therapy or talking to your attorney about parenting coordinators.
Stay calm, document everything, and keep records for your lawyer. Don't try to defend yourself to her - defend yourself in court with evidence.
Document the violation, send one clear text AND email stating the violation, then talk to your attorney if you have one. Don't engage in text wars or retaliate by violating the order yourself. Not going to lie, this one sucks because nothing will piss off a judge more than two parents who violate a custody order in small ways and end up back in court to fight them. Just because you're right doens't mean the court will care.
Moving Forward
Healing Takes Time
You're both hurting: Even if she initiated the divorce, everyone's dealing with loss and change. Time heals what reason cannot. Read that again.
Focus on your healing: You can't control her journey, but you can control yours. Therapy, exercise, hobbies - whatever helps you process and grow.
Hope for Better Days
It hopefully gets easier: Most divorced couples find a rhythm... eventually. The acute anger and hurt fade with time.
Your kids are watching: How you handle this relationship teaches them about conflict resolution, respect, and resilience.
When Things Actually Improve
Small steps: Maybe you start texting about logistics without snark. Maybe custody exchanges become civil. Celebrate these victories. But don't take them for granted and assume today was great so tomorrow will be. Show up, be consistent.
Don't rush it: Healing isn't linear. Some days will be better than others. That's normal.
Remember: You can't control her actions, but you can control your reactions. Be the parent your kids can be proud of, regardless of what she does.
Dealing with Lawyers
Nobody wants to be here, but here you are. Let's make sure you don't get eaten alive by the legal system.
Choose a Topic:
Finding the Right Lawyer
Most family law attorneys offer low-cost consultations. Talk to at least 3 before deciding. You want someone who gets it, not just someone who needs billable hours. Ask them what their career trajectory is, because some lawyers are biding their time to become judges. That means they won't want to piss off other attorneys and that's good information for you to know.
"What's your approach to custody disputes?" "How often do your cases go to trial vs settle?" "What are realistic outcomes for my situation?" "What are typical costs for a case like mine?" "Do you hang out with their attorney outside of your normal day to day work? I learned the hard way that mine played in the same fantasy league as her attorney and they were playing us against each other.
Lawyers who guarantee outcomes, promise to "destroy" your ex, seem more interested in conflict than resolution, or can't give you straight answers about costs. Remember, you aren't hiring a friend, you're hiring a competent attorney.
Experience with cases like yours, good communication skills, reasonable fees, and a reputation for getting results without unnecessary drama.
Managing Legal Costs
Lawyers Are Expensive - Use Them Wisely
Be organized: Come to meetings prepared with documents, questions written down, and timelines ready. Don't pay $300/hour for your lawyer to organize your paperwork.
Ask about alternatives: Mediation, collaborative divorce, or limited scope representation can save thousands compared to full litigation.
Emails versus Phone Calls: Sure, emails are fast. But they usually bill per email. Ask about a weekly conference call to discuss all pending matters.
That initial retainer is just the beginning. Budget for at least 1.5-2x what your lawyer estimates. Legal costs have a way of multiplying, especially if your ex wants to fight about everything.
Consider how much you'll pay in legal fees to say "No" versus just saying "Yes". Do you want this resolved or is this really a sticking point?
Gather financial documents, create timelines, research local custody standards. The more work you do yourself, the less you pay them to do it.
Keep detailed records of all legal expenses. Some may be tax deductible, and you'll want to know exactly where your money went.
Working with Your Attorney
Communication Best Practices
Be honest about everything: Your lawyer can't help you if they don't know the full truth. They've heard it all before.
The legal system is slow, expensive, and rarely gives anyone everything they want. "Fair" in court might not feel fair to you. Focus on protecting your kids and your future relationship with them.
Ask the difference about formally filing versus "having an agreement". It'll only take one thing to go sideways for your agreement to disappear. The more formally documented and filed things are, the truer the situation is.
Don't just hand everything over to your lawyer and hope for the best. Stay informed about your case, review all documents before they're filed, and make sure you understand the strategy.
Custody and Support Reality
What Courts Actually Care About
Best interests of the child: Stability, which parent has been primary caregiver, ability to co-parent, geographic proximity, kids' preferences (if old enough).
What they don't care about: Who cheated, who wanted the divorce, who makes more money (for custody), or your feelings about your ex.
Most states have formulas based on income and custody time. Your lawyer should be able to run calculations early in the process so you can budget accordingly.
Once you start paying child support, make sure its formally filed with the courts.
50/50 is common unless you've got real problems. Courts want to see that both parents can handle it logistically and emotionally. Start with what works for your kids' ages and your work schedules.
Custody orders can be modified, but you need a "substantial change in circumstances." Moving, job changes, or significant issues with the other parent might qualify.
Protecting Yourself
Document, Document, Document
Keep records: Custody exchanges, missed visits, concerning behavior, extra expenses. You might not need it, but it's better to have it.
Financial transparency: Courts hate hidden assets. Full disclosure protects you from accusations and sanctions later.
Educate yourself about your state's laws, but don't try to interpret them yourself. Ask your lawyer to explain how the law applies to your specific situation.
Know how to file for emergency custody if needed. Understand what constitutes an emergency (immediate danger to kids) vs. what requires regular court process.
The Hard Truth
Reality Check
Nobody wins in divorce court. Only the lawyers. Ask your wallet. The best outcome is one where both parents can move forward and focus on raising healthy kids. Sometimes fighting costs more than what you're fighting for.
Your lawyer works for you, not the other way around. If they're not communicating, not returning calls, or pushing for unnecessary conflict, find someone else.
Long-Term Perspective
This is temporary: The legal process will end eventually. Your relationship with your kids is what matters long-term.
Choose your battles: Every fight costs money and emotional energy. Make sure it's worth it.
When to Settle vs Fight
Fight for: Meaningful time with your kids, fair financial arrangements, protection from abuse.
Consider settling on: Furniture, who gets the dog, minor financial disputes that cost more to fight than they're worth.
Remember: This legal stuff is temporary. Your relationship with your kids is forever. Make decisions that protect that relationship above all else.
Buy That Divorced Dad a Beer
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If the tips and advice here have helped you navigate the single dad life, consider buying me a beer. Every dollar helps keep this site running and the content coming.
Why Beer Money?
Let's be honest - after a long day of work, dealing with custody schedules, helping with homework, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and trying to keep it all together, sometimes a cold beer is the only thing that makes sense.
Your support means I can:
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"We're all just figuring it out as we go, but we don't have to figure it out alone."